Validation

On my last post, I wrote that I was, well. Writing.

And one of the things that has kept me from truly writing was doubt in myself.

Monday morning, a little of the doubt was erased.

In November, I was at the library, and I happened to glance over at the bulletin board in the hallway. Posted there was a flier for a writing contest in my county. Something told me I should apply. At first, I decided to write a short story. But that story ended up being something that needed more than 3,000 words to say. So I wrote three poems. One was about the Kentucky Derby champion Ferdinand. The other was about my son. The third was about my childhood room and missing my mother.

That one, called "Painted Memories", won Honorable Mention.  The chairwoman of the contest sent me an email with congratulations, as well as letting me know she would confirm the date of the awards ceremony.

Yes, I know its a small contest. And I also know it's first or second. I'll get a certificate, and that will be that.

But I am bursting with pride. I do not consider myself a Poetess. I find poems to be hard to write, and hard to read. I also haven't entered anything I've written in any contest since I was in grade school. So to have been recognized my first time out, with a poem written about my mother, is a huge accomplishment.


Here is my poem:

Painted Memories

Fingers run along the wall

Remembering painting there

Long gone.

Stripes of mauve

Flowers of blue

Hues she picked for you.

What you wouldn’t give

To have those stripes back

What you wouldn’t give

To have her back.

A tear slides down

While fingers feel outlines

You miss your childhood.

A time when life was whole

When health was good

And laughter reigned.

Things will never be the same.

She’s long gone.

The stripes long gone.

Painted over in white.

Still, like a memory

The old paint shines through

Reminding you

She’s not out of mind.

Smile sadly.

Weep quietly.

And remember.

The good things never fade.

People die.

Paint dries.

A mother’s love never.

Getting Honorable Mention has made me confident enough to start thinking about entering more contests, and putting myself out there more. Sure, I know I won't win every time...heck, I may never win again! But it's given me a push.

And it's also made me want to buckle down and really get my novel rolling.

Dear readers, is there anything you've done that has validated your passion? Big or small, let me hear from you!

PS....as I write this, my Weather Channel app is warning me of heavy snow here in the Carolinas. I hope all of you, wherever you are, you are staying safe, dry and warm. And I'm jealous of you who are getting no snow!!

On Writing

If the title of this blog seems familiar to you, it's actually the title of Stephen King's book about being an author.  It's actually a favorite of mine. He's no nonsense, and really makes you think about what you should be writing, how much, and how to write.

All this to say, I am taking a page out of King's book, and am writing my own.

All my life, I've wanted three things: 1) to go to the Kentucky Derby (DONE. Twice!); 2) Do something for the good of others; and 3) Write a book.

So here I am.

I've been "writing" this particular book for years. It started with a short story in college, written hastily. I got a good grade on it, but the teacher felt I rushed the story, and there was more to write. He was correct. But I took that story, put it in a folder, and while it's never far from my mind, it has stayed in that folder, moving with me from place to place.

It wasn't until a few months ago that I pulled out the short story. Our local library had a contest for the county writer's club, for best short story, and best poems. I wrote and submitted a few poems, but when I tried to flesh out the short story for the contest, I realized it was not a short story. It was the novel I should be writing.

So I re-read it, and started re-tooling it. And I love the direction it's going so far.

I haven't written too much yet; only about 14 pages or so. It's also a bit of a ramble. But I am trying to take King's advice: to try to put down at least 1,000 words every day. It's hard to do so, and even harder to get the motivation to sit at the computer and write.

But I'm trying. :)

It's not that what I'm writing isn't interesting, or something I just am throwing down. It's just that I find I have so little free time, and there are so many things pulling at me: crafts, cleaning, TV, reading....you get it.

And another thing: I am not a confident person. I think I am a good writer, and generally, I'm proud of what I do put down on paper (or computer). But there's always this voice inside me saying: "This isn't good. You'll never get published." And I am ashamed to admit, I listen to this voice more often than not.

"Take a deep breath, and clear your head, " I demand to myself (And luckily, I'm sitting at home alone, while my child is napping. I don't know if that makes me crazier for talking to myself).

What is the book about, you ask? Well, roughly, it's a bout a woman coming to grips with the sadness of losing the most important people in her life through her memories.

(That's about all I want to say for now. In case there are trolls out there who want the idea. Although, that is probably silly, so forgive my paranoia.)

I have high hopes for the story, and hopes that I can finish and publish it before I'm 90.

So with inspiration in my head, and King's book in the shelf next to me, I am typing away, each day, and watching my story grow.  It's an exciting thing, trying to write a book. Heck, it's exciting to see the word count grow! Most of all, I am enjoying watching my characters grow and bloom; hoping they are giving me the gumption to grow and bloom as well.

I'll keep you all posted, and hopefully, one day, I can share with you a real, bound, published book. Or at least, a Kindle copy. (Thank goodness for Amazon!!)

Passing Time / Equine Update

Has it REALLY been over a year since I last posted?

I visit this blog continuously, but haven't felt like writing. I'm often tired, and too busy with the daily in and outs of being a stay-at-home Mom. By the time Andrew is asleep, all I want to do is veg on the couch with my husband, and watch truly terrible TV. We moved to North Carolina three years ago, and since that time, between having a baby, setting up the home, and trying to make a life here, I've forgot the simple pleasure of writing here.

Or, maybe I've just gotten lazy. (Hey, it happens!!) One thing for sure is...I've missed coming here and writing. So I'll try, dear readers, to be much better. For now, I'll just write a short update.

No new news on the Equine front. I haven't ridden in three years. THREE YEARS! I used to jones for a ride, the way a sugar addict needs that one. last. COOKIE. But as time passed, and months turned to years, the yearning has slowed from a scream in my head, to a dull ache. The need to ride a clean test; the need to keep my seat deep in the saddle; the need to hug a horse; running my hands through their coats...it's a feeling that almost belongs to someone else.

Almost. My son is about to start preschool in the Fall, and I'm about to have a little more time on my hands. Time to finally clean the house, watch some TV I've missed, read my books, and get crafts done. Maybe even find a little part-time job. As I struggle with the sadness of not having my son all the time, I am also excited to have some space for me again. And a little voice inside me says, "Now. Finally. It's time to start getting back on the horse." Literally.

The stars are aligning again. Last week, my neighbor (a horse enthusiast like myself), and I were walking through the neighborhood, when she casually mentioned her daughter was getting interested in Dressage. That led to a discussion of area barns. And the mention of a horse at one of those barns who is up for lease. The dull ache to ride returned. A little less dull. When I went home, I started looking at the barns she mentioned, and the horse. The horse is probably not a good fit for me, but it opened up my eyes to the prospect of leasing again. To riding regularly. With the wind in my face, and a trainer (probably yelling at me to sit deeper and quiet my hands).

Dull ache? It's a full on jonesing again.

Oh boy.

So that's all the news on the horse front. But there's other exciting things. Which I'll write more about in my next post.

I promise!!

Let's Start with the Horses.....

So it's been almost a year since I last posted. I could write the Great American Novel about what's going on, but I will try to keep it short and sweet. First, horse news. My dear sweet Clinton has been sold. I am terribly sad, but also very happy for him. My friend at the barn told me a really lovely lady bought him, who showered him with pets and kisses. If I can't have him, I want him to have a home where he is loved and pampered. He is a great horse, and he deserves the very best. I almost bought him a year ago, but had to pull out, for many reasons. It hurt my heart to have to say no, but in the end, I did what was best for us both. I had many life changes coming, and it would have been unfair to buy him and then barely see him for months. Plus, in reality, buying a nearly 20 year old horse, who, while incredibly sound, probably only had a few more years of showing left, was not a "smart" business decision. And that would leave me with an aging retiree in the pasture (I would never have sold him), and on the hunt for a new horse. Still, even though my head knows I made the right decision, my heart still longs for him. I have not been back to the barn in year...again because of life changes, but mostly, I couldn't bear to see the horse I had wanted so dearly. I will be going to the barn again soon to pick up my gear, and it will be hard to walk by his stall and not see that funny question mark on his forehead and floppy ears. Sigh. Clinton is the second horse I loved, and have passed on in my riding life. The first was an Appy named Joker. He was my first horse love. He was not a beauty....he was white and pink (from many areas where he'd rubbed off his hair), with black spots. He was also very nasty. He had a reputation of bucking, kicking, and biting. Of course, I fell in love with him. At first, I was simply mucking out his stall, but that moved to talking to him, and brushing him, and giving him great back rubs. Slowly and surely, Joker and I fell in love with each other. Since no one else rode, or paid any attention to Joker, he felt like my horse. And despite the warnings from other riders, I was determined to ride him. So when I got the chance to hop on him, I didn't hesitate. Just as he was in the barn toward me, he was gentle and sweet, never spooking or bucking. That's not to say he was perfect. He was a jealous horse...if I petted another horse, or showed attention to a person in the barn, the moment he was let out, he would gun for the horse/person, teeth bared. And he was very mischievous....I lost quite a few pants pockets that he ripped off, playing with me. But when his owner decided to give him to me, I had to pass. I was a college student with a load of debt, and the daughter of two parents who strongly resisted my want for this horse. And as with Clinton...Joker was an older horse (22), who would become a pasture potato in few years. So I said no. Three weeks later he was sold to a young girl with the same love for him as I, so while I was happy for my sweet Appy, I was sad I wouldn't be the one he'd see every day. That was 10 years ago. I hope that he is still alive, but he would be 32 by now. I hope that his remaining years were happy ones. So my hunt for the perfect horse continues. I hope one day to be able to fall in love with a horse, and be able to buy him or her myself. It is too hard to say goodbye. But at the moment, a horse is not in the cards for me. For you see, while I have been on hiatus, I have had another life to think about. My newborn son, Andrew. TO BE CONTINUED......

Humpty Dumpty

Okay. This is getting ridiculous.

I fell again.

This time, it was a bit harder to get up. I fell on my hip, and it took me a moment to get up again. Wow, did that HURT. No bruising today that can be seen, but I think someone may have inserted a golf ball in my hip as I fell. And I feel a little whiplash in my neck. Definitely some hitch in my giddy-up today (poor horse joke, I know!!).

I thought Clinton spooked again, but Mary thinks I lost my balance. (She is probably right) I got back on and trotted and walked. I needed to do that, or I don’t know if I would ever get the nerve up.

And I haven’t fallen off a horse in YEARS…now twice in two weeks?

So I am being relegated back to being on the lunge line for the next few rides, until I can get myself together. Instead of being nervous on the horse, I am starting to get a little scared. And that just makes me mad.

I want this too much to quit, or let being terrified stop me. And the more I feel that niggling twinge of fear in my gut, the madder I get, and the more determined I get.

No more falling.

Pinkie swear!!