Believe

There are times when the only one who believes in you....is you.

Growing up, I was blessed to have two parents who solidly stood by me as I made my way through Growing Up Land. When, klutzy me, decided to play softball, my parents cheered at every game. Even the ones where I tripped rounding the bases. Or when I caught a fly ball....with the side of my face. (And I made sure that NEVER happened again!!)

When I came home one day from college, and announced that I was going to be a journalist, both of my parents supported me. Despite the visions they had of my living in a cardboard box, they were both pleased as punch at graduation (and I proved I knew what I was doing: I earned a few awards, an editorship at my college, and a top level reporting job at the local paper).

And most importantly, they stood by me while I suffered through a bad relationship, and cheered me on when I declared I had enough. Something they were not sure I could do on my own.....and one of the main decisions I made that confirmed they had raised a woman.

I could list a lot more, but you get the idea. :) My parents have the firm belief in me that when I make a decision, it will be a good one.

But as an adult, I am finding that less people believe in you. People will try to knock you down. Make you feel inadequate. Make you question your life decisions. It is a new minefield for me: I have always had a support system that knew I would always do right by myself.

The biggest "belief" crisis that I am facing at the moment is that of motherhood. Neither of my parents ever pressured me about marriage or children. Never did they watch me turn 23, 24, 25 and question my sanity. Why didn't I settle down? Start a family? My 20s were fast coming to an end! Again, they firmly believed I would do what was best for me. And I did. I lived the single life that I wanted, traveled, worked hard....and then, at 26 (which is still very young), I met my husband. Had I jumped into marriage, like a lot of young women do, I would never have married Mark. I probably would have married the bad relationship guy, and spend a lifetime in misery. (Divorce is not an option.)

But now, at 29, the questions come again. Babies, babies, babies. Why haven't I tried yet? I'm getting older! Mark is older! The whole point of marriage is babies! What am I waiting for?!?!

Well, I am waiting because it's what's right for me. Because I want a strong marriage first. I want to enjoy being with my husband: eating on the couch watching our shows with Smokey winding around our legs, traveling around the country, driving to the cabin. Because my horse classes are a sort of therapy for me, and its hard to imagine nine months away from the barn right now. Because I want to be ready. I want to dive in with happiness, not regret that I had a baby because others told me to.

And because I have the belief in myself that I am doing what is right. And I haven't yet been wrong when it comes down to the final word.

Also, I have the belief, despite what some others say, that I will always have my Derby parties, always write, always ride horses and NEVER forget who Michelle is, regardless of a name or a title change. Because some people say that when you marry; when you have children, that who you are before all of it disappears. True, some does, but not the important things. As long as you have the belief in yourself that you ARE who you ARE.

Be the person you believe you can be. Follow your own path. Because Belief is about what you think is right, and who you know you are.

That is my final word. Believe it or not. :)